And I miss you like hell

My dear dog passed away on November 11th, exhausted by hemolytic anaemia.

Due to these few depressing weeks, I have neglected my blog and I will still put off my Halloween posts etc. I have many things to write about, but they'll have to wait. Please be patient.

I will dedicate this post to my best friend, as I think writing this is an important part of my grieving process. I will certainly never forget her, but I also want to make sure I will remember each and every detail of her that gave me so much joy during our twelve-year-long journey together.

Oona

May 11th, 1999 – November 11th, 2011

As you can see, she was twelve years and a half to the day when she died. In a way I feel slightly bitter – only twelve and a half years! Dachshunds's life expectancy is from ten to fifteen years! And we all had quietly decided that she would become the oldest dog in the country – and she had all the requirements for such, being healthy, strong, with enough exercise and good nutrition... She should have had many more years to live! If it just hadn't been for the insidious illness which struck out of the blue... It feels so unfair.

However, I know that's not the way to think. Life is not fair, and who gets to determine their own days? No one. The same applies to the days of our loved ones. It's a sad fact that all the time someone loses a loved one too early; many of those being too young to die, totally innocent or otherwise not deserving their fate. But it's just... life. Oona and I got to spend over twelve healthy years together. Some people have lost their dogs young, after being run over by a car or even worse – having fallen victim to a dog hater's malicious violence. Our first dog died at the age of eleven, but her death was mysterious – she went from being normal to fighting for her life in less than eight hours, and we never found out why since we couldn't get a vet in time. However, later a vet suspected she might have died of rat poison. Back then, in my early teenage, I took it to heart and became very bitter. Now, however... I cannot blame anyone for Oona's death. I feel that there would have been so many more moments for us to share with each other, but I also know that during those twelve years we already gathered so many memories that I have a lot to cherish. This may feel unfair, but I have to accept it; death comes for everyone, and rarely with a good timing.

I won't go into the details of her death much, but to cut a long story short; in spite of being "officially" my dog, she lived with my parents. Not taking her to live with me in a city was probably the best favour I could do her. As she was always terribly timid, she would never have learnt to enjoy a life in a city. And especially after she fell ill, I could never have taken care of her well enough – living alone and working full-time... No, she was certainly doing better at my parents' place as I know they take extremely good care of our dogs. And this said... I saw Oona for the last time eleven days before her death. I would have liked to be there next to her when she quietly passed away, but on the other hand... I already said farewell to her when I last saw her alive as I knew it could be the last chance. And well, although I wasn't there, I know her end was as good as it could.

Some time ago I said I'd write about what is so special about Oona – besides the fact that she was my dear, own dog. Some people's reactions to the sad piece of news of her death have been quite touching as it's obvious Oona had managed to melt many hearts during her lifetime. My opinions are mostly subjective, yet there are a few things which make her seem somewhat objectively special.

Lil' miss happy new dog owner (looking stupid)

I already mentioned she was very timid. We noticed this immediately after taking her home. She was always afraid of everything – children in particular, but people in general... Yet she was not angry, I cannot remember her ever showing her fear by growling let alone by biting whenever someone got too close to her. She used to bark under a couch when we got guests.
Somehow, unsocial animals have always fascinated me more than those who are particularly friendly to anyone. When it comes to horses, I always preferred those that were a bit difficult because it was very rewarding to eventually see how they began to trust you. And this applies to dogs too, although I naturally established my bond with Oona very early and then she never questioned my trustworthiness. However, I felt important, being one of the few people she ever showed any love to.

Despite being so timid, Oona got slightly famous. We didn't try to promote her, but "rumours" leaked and eventually she appeared in a local newspaper and on a local radio channel. And strangely enough, I later encountered people who remembered her.
The reason for her fame was her dear and very active hobby which she started at the age of about six months and continued as long as her condition allowed her to. Simply enough; she loved playing the piano, and singing at the same time.

Now you might think that I taught her to do that, but oh, I certainly did not! I would never have thought she'd learn something like that! Not that silly puppy who seemed to have serious trouble understanding the concept of newspaper spread out on the floor. Yet one evening it happened – she was alone in the living room when we suddenly heard the sound of piano keys being pressed – once – and went to see what on earth had happened. We didn't expect to find an embarrassed puppy sitting on the chair in front of the piano. That's how it began, and she never seemed to get enough of playing.

Her motive will remain a mystery, yet it was obvious she knew how to get our attention. I know she's not universally unique with her hobby, but I guess many of the dogs who do something similar have been taught or encouraged to do it, and at least I've never seen any video of a dog doing it with the same enthusiasm as Oona. She had her major and minor tunes, depending on the mood – the editor who wrote the article of her for the newspaper described her style as experimental jazz.

I've been pondering over this for years – well, for twelve years. I think that was innovative of her, whatever her original idea was. And that's very fascinating. Taking up such a hobby is quite exceptional for a dog, and it makes me wonder what equally exceptional I could achieve in my life. It certainly inspires me to try to think out of the box, to see beyond my own limits.

My loss makes me feel desperate. They say, "friendship is one mind in two bodies", and I think that describes our bond very well. She was my best friend – and on the other hand will always be. Whenever no one else understood me, she always did. We shared the same wit, we understood each other so well. While others described her timid nature as being prejudiced, I always thought she was smart for not being too gullible. And somewhere deep inside, I'm just like her; suspicious, timid and uncertain. I guess that's why I always felt she was my soul mate.

I would love to embrace her once more, stroke her soft fur, ask her to give me a kiss (something I had taught and something she agreed to do to me) and look her in the eyes; those gentle and understanding eyes. I would love to share my secrets with her, go for a walk in a forest with her, cuddle up with her... But those times are over. I have my memories. And I already got her back once – when she disappeared in 2007. Being quite far away from home, the situation seemed quite bad and we were sure we would never see her alive again. However, eventually she was found, in a good condition but tired. Back then I was lucky.

Although I am very sad and still keep crying daily, I'm trying to go on. I've been neglecting my own health and the people around me while worrying over Oona. The anxiety is gone now – nothing can harm her anymore. Sorrow won't leave me any time soon, but I'm trying my best to avoid total depression. I know that if Oona could still tell us something, it would be something like:

"Please don't be sad, I'm alright now."

And that's true, although it hurts. The illness didn't probably cause her pain, but it slowly made her weaker and weaker. And still; her strong heart probably was the reason why she managed to hold onto life that long.

I wanted to do something in order to honour her memory, and thus, I went to get my ear pierced yesterday. Does this sound absurd? I shall explain. I got my first two ear piercings on the day Oona was born. It was a coincidence, but I doubt I would have remembered a piercing date without such a happy event. At some point I thought I'd just go get another two piercings to my left ear lobe, but then I figured that since I had my right ear lobe pierced twice in the spring for no reason, similar piercings on the left would seem just as pointless. Thus, I decided to get a real hole to the cartilage because it'd be more remarkable. With a ring with a ball-shaped lock, it actually represents Oona in many ways. The ring is like the letter O, and she used to like playing with ring-shaped rubber toys. She also liked playing football (soccer) and the ring, being of a cold and hard material, resembles stones, which she loved. She didn't play with wooden sticks, she always picked up a stone instead.

"The first two holes on the day you were born, and one painful stab for the wound your death tore into my heart."

Oona meant a world to me. She taught me so many things I ever needed to learn about life. She was a small dog with a huge soul, and a spirit that never dies. I will keep mourning, but I will also try to keep looking back on all the great moments we shared together.

A song that will always remind me of her:


Rednex – Wish you were here

"And I miss you like hell,
and I'm feeling blue."

Sleep well, my dear friend. Someone will always love you.

Cover your hands – monthly theme post

I decided to participate in Sophistiqué Noir's monthly theme post for once, maybe because the theme, gloves, is pure love. I love wearing gloves! Armwarmers too, yet I wear them much less these days than I did a few years ago. But I certainly like to add gloves to party outfits! Nowadays I rarely think gloves or armwarmers would suit my work outfits, but they're nice to wear on special occasions. However, for someone as glove-obsessed as me it's strange how boring I am when it comes to keeping my hands warm! I wear old, shabby mittens (yet I have a cute pair knitted by my mother) or something otherwise inelegant. Maybe I should seriously start looking for a pair of warm and stylish gloves for the upcoming winter? But now, let's take a look at what I found in my cache...

"Maybe that's why you don't see faces like mine every day"

– Emilie Autumn

Short, lacy gloves are most of the time light and easy to wear – even in the heat of the summer. They're elegant and still they can be used in a ragged rock outfit as well. Sadly, they are quite vulnerable to Velcro straps I have in some of my bags...

"Learning to fly, touching sky on my way"

– Stratovarius

These are very long armwarmers that can come up to close to the armpits. Most of the time I add them to those more ragged outfits, but I have worn them as a part of a more classic, simple outfit too. They've been to many gigs, and goth clubs in particular!

"Obsessions need to swell, a genius in his cell"

– Twilightning

Classic, long gloves are, well, classy. Such gloves made of silk or satin are usually quite expensive – mine are cheap, made of some... synthetic fibres? I'm not sure, but I bought them in a costume shop. The material may not be that elegant on a closer look, but nevertheless, the gloves work fine in an elegant clubbing outfit. I think they are my only gloves (that I wear for the looks) which actually cover the whole hand.

"I'm not your china doll, I'm not your geisha girl"

– Cristal Snow

I don't wear these armwarmers much anymore, they're quite old. I had them already in high school and used to love them back then. They can seem pretty, but they are a bit impractical. I would like to have similar ones which would be much longer.

"Or should I go and change my point of view for other ugly scenes"

– Alphaville

These are my newest gloves, and since they haven't yet been introduced here as a "new purchase", I will do it now. Fishnet gloves with a finger loop; nice and light to wear, yet I'll already have to repair one of the loops as it's very close to snapping. Perhaps I should stop writing and move on to sewing?

Gloves in general are probably the reason why I don't own that many bracelets. Of course they could be worn together, but I'm not used to that, and if I had to choose, I'd probably always go for nice gloves! Gloves, gloves, give me more gloves... So long!

Fear and trembling... and battle metal

♫ Sonata Arctica – Tallulah

Damn damn, I wish I had had time to update my blog earlier during the week so that my post subjects would be more in-keeping with real topical issues... such as Halloween. But I guess I will now write about what happened last weekend, and I will probably have to skip Halloween for now. I'm going to a Halloween party tonight – having been over-enthusiastic about my Halloween style for a month or so. I've already tested my idea and it seemed to work well – and I took some photos too, but I think I cannot publish them yet! I might be attending another Halloween party (with totally different people) on All Saints' Day, and I cannot let all those friends stalking my blog see what I have planned. ;D

Last weekend was all about partying, probably in order to celebrate my birthday. There was an event called Very Possessed: 20 years of Spinefarm records in Tampere, with MyGrain, Profane Omen, Metsatöll and Ensiferum playing there. I went there merely because of Ensiferum, which was also the main act. We did not even go there early enough to see MyGrain, whereas Metsatöll, playing second, was entertaining. They are from Estonia, singing in Estonian, and it probably sounds more amusing to Finns than it would to English-speaking people, for example. I like Estonian although I basically don't understand it (much). However, the vocalist pretty much spoke in Finnish, yet it was obvious it was not his first language.

Metsatöll

Please excuse the quality of my photos again. I didn't want to concentrate on taking photos so I only had my little compact camera with me, and hence, the photos aren't breathtaking.

Ensiferum

Unfortunately enough, I began to feel very bad before Ensiferum's turn, and by the time I was standing as close to the stage as possible, waiting for them, I no longer knew whether I would faint, vomit or just crack up. And the feeling did not go away during the night anymore. However, as stubborn as I am, I couldn't bring myself to leaving my spot and looking for a place to sit – I thought that since I had come to see them, I would be listening to them as close as possible; that's how I usually enjoy my gigs. Violent mosh pits behind my back didn't help at all, and whenever I couldn't see a single friend I felt a bit vulnerable, wondering what would actually have happened if I had fainted there.

However, I stood there for the whole time, and I guess it was worth it. I got to shake hands with two members of Ensiferum, and such little details are the things that make gigs unforgettable to me. Like this. 

I also want to embed one Ensiferum song here – one of the less well-known old songs. I've been listening to it quite a lot lately.

Ensiferum – Battle Song

Onto other matters then... Fear and trembling (see the post title) is a novel by Amélie Nothomb, which I have read long ago – it's entertaining enough if you're interested in Japanese culture. However, what I was actually referring to with those words was probably the feeling – or feelings – which I have been going through lately.

Although this is not a ranting blog, I could explain the situation a bit as it affects me so much, and probably kills my blogging mood every now and then too. My dog's condition has kept me downcast for a while now. She's just so very tired... And so very weak. I'm afraid of losing her any time now, although she could live for years still with her medication. However, no one knows how she's doing for real. Now, I certainly have to point out that she is most likely not in pain, and receiving such treatment a vet recommended. I'm saying this because I don't want to hear anything about being cruel for not putting her down. However, it's heartbreaking to see that a dog who was active and happy back in July is now very slow, inactive and tired. And I'm taking the whole issue particularly hard. I've been crying so much lately, especially when I go to sleep. The other day I started to cry at work only because I was thinking of her. I know I cannot do much to her. Then I feel bad if I try to think of something else or even have some fun. I know I shouldn't refrain from living as she's not dead yet and might not even be dying any time soon. But she means a world to me. Maybe I'll make a post of her some time in the future to explain these things better – to elaborate on what exactly is so special about her. Naturally, each and every pet should be very special to its owners, yet my dog has quirks that have been relatively "widely acknowledged".

...I should start making myself up for the party soon. Should probably eat a bit before it too. Yet I'll still mention one thing, my newest creative project. Recently I purchased four photo frames; one decorative and three simple ones of the same style. Yet I won't be putting photos into the frames but I'll pull myself together and draw/design something to fill them with. The single frame will be reserved for something Edgar Allan Poe inspired, whereas those three... Well, they will all have the same theme, maybe you can guess what it is.

Already got this far with the Poe piece!

Now I need to attend to other things. So long, and happy Halloween! And welcome aboard, my newest readers! ♥

Come sing along with the pirate song – a pirate party playlist!

I think I never talked much about my playlist for the pirate themed party I held in July. Now that Halloween is approaching, I figured I would make a post about my picks for a piratey playlist – especially since I know I am not the only one who's into pirate parties! Maybe they are even trendy these days? When I was in a costume shop before my own party, a 30+-year-old man came in looking for some pirate attire.

Anyway! I will recommend some ten~ piratey songs which should really appear on a piratey playlist for a piratey party. I must point out that I'm into heavy music in general, and I haven't delved much into piratey songs of totally different genres. However, the songs presented here have 100% pirate credibility.

1. Running Wild – Pirate Song


Running Wild is basically the first "pirate metal" band, and it sounds like what it is; 80's heavy/power/speed metal with piratey lyrics.

2. Alestorm – Shipwrecked

Alestorm is my favourite piratey band, yet this is not my favourite song. However, I chose to present it because of the music video, and the song is good too. Alestorm dominated my party playlist because all of their songs are about pirates, and so many of them are perfect for such a party! I truly suggest checking out some others in Youtube or elsewhere. My favourite song is Captain Morgan's Revenge (must embed it as well!), and other must-have tracks for a party playlist would be Wenches & Mead, Pirate Song, Keelhauled, Nancy the Tavern Wench, The Sunk'n Norwegian, Rum and Back Through Time.


Alestorm – Captain Morgan's Revenge

"At sunrise we'll all dance the hempen jig
So raise up your pint of rum and take another swig"

3. Turisas – Hunting Pirates


I know I have already shared this song in my blog, but here it goes again. Okay well – maybe it has an anti-piratey twist since "...when the soldiers of fortune hunt for pirates", but isn't it just natural for pirates to have enemies? Otherwise Turisas' lyrics are battle/viking inspired – worth checking out too. Go listen to Sahti Waari.

4. Tierra Santa – La Cancion Del Pirata I (&II)


Some Spanish for now! I don't understand it at all, yet still enough to know what these songs are all about! The parts of the song are combined on the video, but at least in Spotify they're available separately. The first part is my favourite.

5. Hans Zimmer – Drink Up Me Hearties


Naturally, from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End soundtrack. Even in a piratey party, you will need a moment for an instrumental song so that your guests can down their rum and everyone gets to catch their breath after all that singing. Besides, the song still comprises some very lively parts too. The PotC soundtracks have other nice party tracks too – such as Two Hornpipes from Dead Man's Chest OST.

6. Orden Ogan – We Are Pirates


Presenting this one with a video too, since the video is awesome, and this just might be the best piratey song I know. It's just so epic, you must watch the video (fullscreen!).

"A black sky above, our kingdom beneath
Die in the waves or live on your knees"

7. Pirates of the Sea – Wolves of the Sea


I have already embedded this one in my blog once, but it should be listed here too. Latvia's Eurovision Song Contest entry in 2008. Alestorm has a cover version of this song.

8. Blaggards – Drunken Sailor


The song is a traditional shanty, Blaggards made it rock. Check out Irish Rovers' version too.

9. Lazy Town – You are a pirate!


...yes, I've embedded this in the past too. Watch the video and practise the girl's dance in order to be hardcore. A tip: Alestorm made a cover version!

10. Yo Ho Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life For Me)


It was annoyingly difficult to find a proper version to embed here, and I was also looking for another pirate shanty, Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum (Fifteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest). It seems no one has made any cool versions of them! The latter has been released on a Pirate Party Music CD with the name The Pirate Song, though. You will find it in Spotify.

Bonus+++!
If you're into techno, try..:

Toy-Box – The Sailor Song

For Finns (and naturally, non-Finns as well):

Hevisaurus – Kapteeni Koukku

If your inner pirate would prefer flying:

Abney Park – Airship Pirate


And a few more...
I will not embed the rest of the songs since they are not exactly piratey. However, some of them will certainly suit such a theme party, and at least we listened to some of those in mine.

Korpiklaani – Vodka
Korpiklaani – Tequila
Ensiferum – Twilight Tavern
Dingo – Kiinanmeri
Metallica – Whiskey in the Jar


I hope this post was of some pleasure to you captains out there! Come raise the flag of the fallen and have some joyous pirate parties!

Bloody hell – sanity revamped

♫ Alestorm – I am a cider drinker

*a deep sigh of relief*

I shall hereby present Quicksilver Sanity with a brand new layout.

Now, for the first time, the background and header images have actually been made by me. This has certainly been a "Cobbler's children have no shoes" issue since I am a graphic designer yet it took me, what, ten months to create a layout of my own for my blog? On the other hand this is not that strange – a similar issue to what a photographer co-worker told me recently; when on a vacation abroad, his wife takes more photos than he does.

Now the layout looks more like "me" and features a quote by Poe too. However, had I known what a pain it would be to put it up, I would have considered twice! I had several problems from finding an image host which wouldn't automatically resize images to figuring out how the heck Blogger templates work. Mind you, I know HTML and CSS well, probably to the extent of being totally handicapped with graphic layout editors. Please excuse my language.

I think I certainly deserve some dinner now – maybe some noodles with green pesto, yum. I'm also going to dye my hair either tonight or tomorrow, will see how that turns out... So long!

Now, how old are you, where is your harbour?

♫ Týr – Gandvkæþi Tróndar

"Have many things to do, open the door.
Yes, I live so true, without my lover
But tell me if the sky is blue, how old are you?"

...a year older as of today. Getting to the numbers where it no longer feels great to age, yet I don't feel desperate yet.

Last weekend I visited my parents. They gave me a birthday present in advance; a bottle of sparkling wine, some glasses and a bottle opener... They're contributing to my alcoholism, hmm?

I have a bottle of white wine and sparkling wine, yet "no one" to share them with, I think... My friends seem to be so picky! (Not that I wouldn't be, miss No-red-wine-or-beer-thank-you.)

My cupboard isn't that exciting with all those pints and such, yet I actually like the cupboard itself a lot. Behold the pretty handle!

The song which I quoted in the headline and afterwards is Miko Mission's hit from the 80's. I was going to link it from Youtube, but then I couldn't find my favourite version, thus... Go find one to listen to by yourself.

Besides my birthday, it's also a national failure day today. No wonder... Oh well, my day was nice enough, yet the weather wasn't that nice; it was blowing hard and uhhuh...

"And the wind, and the wind I know it's cold..."

A bit of an Emilie Autumnism. I don't like wind. Not at all.

This song, Tsumetai Kaze by Penicillin, is one of my favourite of their songs, and it means "cold wind". The video is perhaps a bit strange, but also very nice in a way. Enjoy!

I was going to write a more deep post today, but I've been working on this entry for a while now and I feel like playing or relaxing or something. Thank god it's Friday tomorrow! So long!

A bit o' this and that

♫ Twilightning – Enslaved to the Mind

Firstly, I want to wish the new readers warmly welcome aboard!

As the days get colder and I can no longer ignore the fact it's autumn now, I also begin to notice all the little things I need to purchase, rather as soon as possible. However, I've had these "asap" needs for quite a while now. I've been looking for a new autumn/spring jacket for a few years. I've noticed how I seriously need to buy a bit of this and that, from the very top to the very bottom (on both y and z axes)...

Well, I've managed to find something I need. I truly hate lingerie shopping (+ tights and stockings) for a simple reason; most brands don't even have my size. That doesn't apply to stockings however – they're annoying simply because I would need new ones so often.

I won't be showing off the lingerie pieces I managed to find, because well... No. However, my attention was caught by a discount accessory with a price tag of 1 €. I took it, and later when I checked the receipt it had obviously cost only 0,50 €.

Imagine seeing a tone of green? Maybe it's not just your imagination. It's an interesting hue altogether.

A bit later I found an interesting bag – I had been looking for something like this to complete my corporate looks. I'm not yet sure if I should say it's compact or cramped – it's a bit tricky to cram my keys, cell phone, wallet, bus card, headphones, bottle of water and some lunch box into it. Yet I've managed.

Unfortunately enough, I also popped to a newly-opened shoe store nearby and ended up buying a pair of shoes. *gasp* On the other hand I needed something like these too, as a slightly similar pair I have had begun to fall into pieces. I'm trying to complete my corp goth looks with these as well, yet – no matter how lame it is – I'm often in such a terrible hurry in the morning by the time I notice I should be on my way to the bus stop already that I don't have the time to tie any shoe laces!

*sigh* I'm also looking forward to receiving a parcel from H&M with a few basic everyday need items + a dress I bought just for fun (still for the corporate looks). Lately, I've been more into dresses than skirts. Anyway, I have no idea when I'll actually get those – their estimated arrival times keep changing so often. I wished I'd get the dress by my birthday (the 13th) but that seems unlikely now. I will put off celebrating until the 22th, but it seems I won't get it by that day either.

Enough with all the shopping. I had great fun at the 80's party on Saturday. Wonderful music and awesome company. If one of the best party songs was on Youtube, I'd link it here, but unfortunately it isn't there. Instead, I'll link something else, which I had listened to before the party but never really fallen for it, but goddamnit, it sounded much better on the dance floor.

Ken Laszlo – Hey Hey Guy

I also found yet another slightly 80's themed party in the city – something I could be looking forward to, although I'm not sure if I'm going. Ah, but just the possibility of partying like it was the 80's keeps me happy. So long!