My personal alchemy lab

♫ Sabaton – The Hammer Has Fallen

There are a hundred things I could do, should do, or would do (if) and I'm not sure if I'm good at prioritizing my projects, but when I suddenly got a strong urge to make custom labels for my spice jars, I just... well, put everything else off. Okay not really, but at least I completed this project rather fast.

Or too fast. :> The final stages, i.e. printing, cutting and sticking the labels to the jars were carried out late in the evening, and the kitchen was quite dark too when I eyed the line of my new custom jars in my cupboard and happily closed the cupboard door. And now the daylight (and especially the photos) reveal the ugly truth: I cannot cut anything even if my life depended on it. Seriously, I've never been too handy with scissors, and even though most lines have been cut with a paper knife and a ruler, the results are not too good on average. But I blame it on my desk lamp which recently resigned office.

I would have wanted to create labels which seem very old and probably bear resemblance to poison bottles and such, preferably printed on a brown paper... But since my spice jars are genuine Ikea products and don't look old, antique, vintage or whatever, I decided to go for a less extreme style. As you can see, the background isn't pure white (but I've failed to cut off the extra white paper here and there!). I looked up some instructions on how to use all those spices on the internet and put a brief description in the labels simply because I need some guidance. I am not the worst cook, but experimenting with spices isn't my area of expertise. However, I also wanted to add some useless information as well, such as the Latin names and some labels even got a suggestion for medicinal uses. (And in case you understand Finnish, don't try to use those tips! :D They may be accurate (or pure superstition) but I wouldn't really try to pour parsley tea into my eyes.) I guess pirates need medicinal herbs though...

I drew more or less accurate pictures of most spices, yet spice blends got a picture of a random spice bottle and cardamom had to settle for a pastry since cardamom seeds look too strange and I've never used it for anything but baking.

And I should have taken all the photos from this angle so that you wouldn't have seen all that salt on my shelf. Oops, I've forgotten to clean it. :x Maybe one day I can replace those Ikea jars with something resembling old apothecary jars and bottles and create labels which seem more mysterious. However, I think those are better than the masking tape strips which marked the jars before. So long!

P.S: I was positively surprised to find matte sticker paper which was very affordable too. I bought a variety which hadn't been die-cut into smaller labels of a certain size because I want to be able to use it for versatile projects. However, the backing paper was a pain to remove!

P.P.S: What is your favorite spice and why? I love the scent of cinnamon, cardamom and curry. I know cinnamon isn't particularly healthy (at least not the cheap type) but if I buy vanilla ice cream, I eat it with cinnamon (doesn't happen too often though). I would like to use (mild) curry more, but I am still not too good at experimenting. Oh, and one of my favorites: lemon pepper! It goes with almost anything. :D (Not really, but I love it anyway.) I love the scent and flavor of lemons, though I don't really eat the actual fruits.

Thank you, kind sirs

♫ Emilie Autumn – Gothic Lolita

I had hard time trying to decide whether I should ever write this blog post or not. After all, I'm not quite sure who I'm even writing to. I doubt my blog audience disagrees with me much on the issue...

However, certain incidents have made me ponder over the issue so much lately... And although my blog is not supposed to be for ranting let alone remarkably personal issues, I figured I could tie the topic to such things that are interesting in other ways... And more related to my blog. So well, now you'll get to read something very exceptional written by a person who is reluctant to comment on humane issues and who is not openly feminist.

"The kind of murder where nobody dies
But I don't suppose you'd understand"
– Emilie Autumn

Maybe a week or two ago I happened to come across a piece of news on an online news site; a 16-year-old girl had been raped in a bus. Not many details were available, but that's not relevant. Faceless pieces of news rarely stir up strong emotions in me after all, and I still wonder why I clicked the link in the first place.
However, I happened to read something else too. Readers' comments on the article. Only then did my blood begin to boil.
There were several, or let's say, a lot of similar comments, and I'm not citing any of them word for word, but the general style was:
"How is it possible to get raped in a bus?"
"That cannot possibly be true, not in a bus."
"Why didn't she scream or ask for help?"
"If she really didn't get her mouth open in a bus, she can only blame herself for what happened."

Little do they know.

Those people who have never experienced rape, abuse or sexual harassment should never give advice to those who have.

Those people whose sexuality has never been violated can barely imagine what such is like.

Those people who commented on the article were clearly thinking of violence in general, and typical reactions of a victim who's trying to run for their life, descriptively speaking. And well, although I'm not a psychologist, I guess protecting one's life is a very primitive reaction, driven by very primitive instincts. However, most cases of sexual violence are not threatening the victim's life. When people think of rape, they are often imagining a woman walking through a dark alley when a stranger violently attacks them and so on... But a minority of rapes are such.

Sexual violence can hardly be compared to physical violence in general. It rarely leaves victims as physically injured as a knife attack would. The worst injuries are mental.

Those who commented on the article kept wondering how come the girl did not fight back and indeed get alarmed enough to catch the attention of the other passengers or the bus driver. Again, they're trying to generalize sexual violence to be like any other type of violence. I wonder if they have ever heard the 'P' word, which is five letters long, has N in the middle and I following N. No, it's not what crossed your minds first. It's "panic".

"If I had been in that situation, I would have stood up immediately and screamed at the top of my lungs, telling the man to keep his dirty hands off me." A-ha, that would have been wise too. Good for you if you know how you would act in an unexpected situation. I mean, honestly, of course that would be a smart move. Of course no one should tolerate sexual harassment.

However, sexual violence can have the exactly opposite effect as well.
Have these people ever heard rape or abuse victims talking about their experience? Ever heard them saying things like "I was so ashamed", "I felt so dirty" etc?
I'm still no psychologist, haven't carried out research on the topic, but I still dare to claim that those are quite... common feelings. Shame, embarrassment, humiliation... Being dirty, being at fault.

Now, doesn't it make sense? If someone is violating your sexuality, humiliating you... Would you want to add to your humiliation by catching the attention of passers-by? We can say that in order to stop the criminal act, the shame should be ignored and the victim should at least try to get help at once. But do those people think it is easy?

I dare to say that very many cases of sexual violence could have been avoided, or their continuity halted, if the victim had spoken out, acted, defended themselves with violence etc... But the thing is, it is very difficult. Not just for children, but also for grown-ups. Anyone. Those experiences are potentially so humiliating to their victims that they would rather remain silent, hoping no one would ever find out. And even if the very crime happened in public... Well, panic doesn't always lead to fighting like a little animal. It affects people in different ways, totally freezing others, especially in situations which make them feel somehow exposed, vulnerable... "I wish he would stop, I wish this would be over soon, I wish those people wouldn't notice."

But, now, does sexual violence become less of a crime if the victim remains silent and refrains from actively defending themselves? Hell no. Sexual violence, no matter the type, is always solely up to the abuser. It's their choice whether to touch or not to touch. If the victim is drunk or dressed like a slut, it doesn't signify permission.

Never blame the victim. Not even for being unable to ask for help.
Lack of active opposition doesn't equal consent. However, a person with normal social skills should easily recognize reluctance. It means, "hands off".

I truly feel sorry for the girl. I can imagine how she keeps blaming herself for what happened, wondering what she did wrong and thinking how she's so very dirty now. And even though this one case could always have been a false denunciation, such things do happen for real. In private and in public.

"Thank you, kind sirs
You've made me what I am today
A bundle of broken nerves
A mouthful of words I'm still afraid to say"
– Emilie Autumn

Recovery processes after sexual violence are also individual. Maybe some can soon shrug it off, others are traumatized for years or lifetimes. However, common is the fact that they're all victims, not the ones to blame.

Inspired, I drew something the other day (or to be precise, I spent a few days on the drawing). I had wanted to practice digital drawing and especially coloring, and bare human skin was technically a good way to start. Yet I rarely draw anything – or make pictures of some other kind – without some kind of a background story or some emotions attached. Things going around in my head resulted in this drawing, made using Photoshop CS5:

Consequently, I named the drawing "Thank you kind sirs", with respect to Emilie Autumn's song "Gothic Lolita". The song itself is hardly my favorite EA song, not at all, but I truly like its lyrics – especially those lines I cited last. Emilie has sung about sexual violence with subtle hints here and there, having experienced it herself. I think she knows what she's talking about.

Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm writing about this in a blog which is supposed to be about creativity and lifestyle. Perhaps in order to give an introduction to my drawing? Well that's a lot of words when images are supposed to speak. I'm not sure if I said all the relevant points I had in mind... But like I said, I doubt my rant reaches the right audience here, but perhaps it doesn't matter. I'm not the type to speak out, really... Or indeed. Guess that's my fault.

"But ruffles and laces
And candy sweet faces
Directed your furtive hand
I perfectly understand
So it's my fault?"

Emilie Autumn's Fight Like a Girl tour is coming to my hometown in April. I already got a ticket, anyone else coming?

P.S: The drawing has a very subtle and unmentioned connection to Emilie Autumn. Can anyone guess what it is?
P.P.S: Although I spent several days working on this post, I finished and proof-read it at night, being tired, so please excuse me...

I raise my head and find my own way out of the dark

♫ Heavenly – Carpe diem

Oh well, I'm trying to move onto more positive things than the sorrow I described in my previous post. I have contradictory feelings on how I should actually spend the time while I'm alone – one voice in my head tells me to concentrate on grieving, while some voice of reason tells me I shouldn't do that. I feel like ignorance meant indifference, yet I know it won't do any good if I stop to mourn for too long.

I'll try to deal with as many events and topics which I've ignored lately in this blog post. A summary of what has happened during the past few weeks, then I can probably keep up with the things worth blogging about without stuffing them all into one single post.

First of all, All Hallows' Eve and All Saints' Day. I had the same idea for both parties I attended – an idea I had had for looong... Sugar skull make-up!

I don't have photos of my clothes, but they were quite simple. I wore the fishnet top which you can see in the photos, and a simple, short, strapless black sheath dress. Since I really liked this attire, I'll probably wear it again to some event, so maybe I'll also post it here eventually. If I just had the chance to take some photos with the daylight, but no, I'm in the office when the sun is up. I have some dresses to show off anyway!

Last night I went to see Stratovarius live. And I was surprised to see how "good" the photos taken with my cell phone can be. The concert was nice and long, a part of their tour to bid farewell to their drummer Jörg Michael. The headline of this post if a line from their song Darkest Hours. It's a good one, yet not my favourite, but I feel it suits my current mood.

Stratovarius – Darkest Hours

I also finished my Poe piece for the photo frames I bought recently. Inspired by The Raven, here's the result:

What else? Material needs I satisfied a while ago already, I guess. Many people know the Polish webstore Restyle, which sells funky gothic stuff cheap. I bought a few things too since the prices were so ridiculously low compared with what they would have been if I had bought them in Finland.

Firstly, two pieces of bone shaped hairpins. See the product in the store here. The item description confused me a lot, as well as the photos. In the first product image the surface of the bones seems smoooooth, doesn't it? As you can see in my photo, it isn't, they're quite roughly painted. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but I actually expected the bones to be made of plastic and only the pin parts being metal (as described) but they're fully metal (makes sense). The "Clips are automatic" part confused me even more, and my idea of "automatic" clips would be something like this, not this. I may be totally wrong, but I'd think that those pins which close by themselves with their spring are automatic while those which you have to snap close are not. I find the clip type impractical and was somewhat disappointed with it.

Then I got a nice brooch with a rib-cage. I could also attach a chain to it to turn it into a necklace, but I kinda like it as a brooch too.

And more rib-cages! These are very, very heavy, to the point of stretching the earlobe downwards with their weight. They are pretty, yes, but I think the weight they put on ears has slightly unaesthetic effects. But I guess I'll live with it.

I also got a Star Gazer lipstick in the shade of dark berry, but haven't worn it much yet. I don't wear lipstick daily, I'm not used to it. A bit newer purchase is a pair of Tamaris boots which escaped my hands once, but with some insane luck, I found my size again (or to be precise, I might have survived with a size smaller, but they didn't have that size). Although their quality is only satisfactory, they're pretty and COMFORTABLE. I've never worn high heels which feel so good even after hours of standing! I didn't have any problems standing through the Strato concert with those.

I guess that could be it for now. I'm getting hungry and could concentrate on something else too. Either way, I guess I have something interesting coming up sooner or later. So long!

Fear and trembling... and battle metal

♫ Sonata Arctica – Tallulah

Damn damn, I wish I had had time to update my blog earlier during the week so that my post subjects would be more in-keeping with real topical issues... such as Halloween. But I guess I will now write about what happened last weekend, and I will probably have to skip Halloween for now. I'm going to a Halloween party tonight – having been over-enthusiastic about my Halloween style for a month or so. I've already tested my idea and it seemed to work well – and I took some photos too, but I think I cannot publish them yet! I might be attending another Halloween party (with totally different people) on All Saints' Day, and I cannot let all those friends stalking my blog see what I have planned. ;D

Last weekend was all about partying, probably in order to celebrate my birthday. There was an event called Very Possessed: 20 years of Spinefarm records in Tampere, with MyGrain, Profane Omen, Metsatöll and Ensiferum playing there. I went there merely because of Ensiferum, which was also the main act. We did not even go there early enough to see MyGrain, whereas Metsatöll, playing second, was entertaining. They are from Estonia, singing in Estonian, and it probably sounds more amusing to Finns than it would to English-speaking people, for example. I like Estonian although I basically don't understand it (much). However, the vocalist pretty much spoke in Finnish, yet it was obvious it was not his first language.

Metsatöll

Please excuse the quality of my photos again. I didn't want to concentrate on taking photos so I only had my little compact camera with me, and hence, the photos aren't breathtaking.

Ensiferum

Unfortunately enough, I began to feel very bad before Ensiferum's turn, and by the time I was standing as close to the stage as possible, waiting for them, I no longer knew whether I would faint, vomit or just crack up. And the feeling did not go away during the night anymore. However, as stubborn as I am, I couldn't bring myself to leaving my spot and looking for a place to sit – I thought that since I had come to see them, I would be listening to them as close as possible; that's how I usually enjoy my gigs. Violent mosh pits behind my back didn't help at all, and whenever I couldn't see a single friend I felt a bit vulnerable, wondering what would actually have happened if I had fainted there.

However, I stood there for the whole time, and I guess it was worth it. I got to shake hands with two members of Ensiferum, and such little details are the things that make gigs unforgettable to me. Like this. 

I also want to embed one Ensiferum song here – one of the less well-known old songs. I've been listening to it quite a lot lately.

Ensiferum – Battle Song

Onto other matters then... Fear and trembling (see the post title) is a novel by Amélie Nothomb, which I have read long ago – it's entertaining enough if you're interested in Japanese culture. However, what I was actually referring to with those words was probably the feeling – or feelings – which I have been going through lately.

Although this is not a ranting blog, I could explain the situation a bit as it affects me so much, and probably kills my blogging mood every now and then too. My dog's condition has kept me downcast for a while now. She's just so very tired... And so very weak. I'm afraid of losing her any time now, although she could live for years still with her medication. However, no one knows how she's doing for real. Now, I certainly have to point out that she is most likely not in pain, and receiving such treatment a vet recommended. I'm saying this because I don't want to hear anything about being cruel for not putting her down. However, it's heartbreaking to see that a dog who was active and happy back in July is now very slow, inactive and tired. And I'm taking the whole issue particularly hard. I've been crying so much lately, especially when I go to sleep. The other day I started to cry at work only because I was thinking of her. I know I cannot do much to her. Then I feel bad if I try to think of something else or even have some fun. I know I shouldn't refrain from living as she's not dead yet and might not even be dying any time soon. But she means a world to me. Maybe I'll make a post of her some time in the future to explain these things better – to elaborate on what exactly is so special about her. Naturally, each and every pet should be very special to its owners, yet my dog has quirks that have been relatively "widely acknowledged".

...I should start making myself up for the party soon. Should probably eat a bit before it too. Yet I'll still mention one thing, my newest creative project. Recently I purchased four photo frames; one decorative and three simple ones of the same style. Yet I won't be putting photos into the frames but I'll pull myself together and draw/design something to fill them with. The single frame will be reserved for something Edgar Allan Poe inspired, whereas those three... Well, they will all have the same theme, maybe you can guess what it is.

Already got this far with the Poe piece!

Now I need to attend to other things. So long, and happy Halloween! And welcome aboard, my newest readers! ♥

Running through my memory...

♫ Rainbow – Street of Dreams

Exhausted, exhausted, exhausted...
I turned in the written part of my thesis yesterday, but I haven't got any response whether it was alright (on the surface only, of course). Oh, but the hell's not over, I still have to finish my designs and wish for my supervisor to $¤%#*@ reply to my messages.
Today I was at work at first, then I went to set up our exhibition, and thus, kept going for over twelve hours straight. Now I'm tired, but well, work tomorrow again. I was supposed to go vote today, but it took me too long with the exhibition...

Let's peek at what I've been working on?

Believe it or not, I actually went through the trouble to edit my blog code to remove the border from that image. Or it doesn't matter whether or not you believe it – I barely do. It took me a while, I guess I'm too tired to think – it's not that I didn't know how to, it's a part of my job after all...

I've been listening to Street of Dreams ever since I got home, so maybe for an hour now. Both Rainbow and Blackmore's Night versions... And then I keep dreaming. Right now I'm dreaming of a vacation, a real vacation. I want to get abroad... Maybe to Berlin. I will truly consider going if I ever have some free time...

It's been an exhausting spring, and it's not over yet... But if you're going through hell, keep going.

Yo, ho, haul together, hoist the colors high

♫ Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End Original Soundtrack –
I don't think now is the best time

I truly feel like writing about my love of pirates.

Sure my "feelings" are highly romanticized, but so are the legends and stories, I guess. :D But I'm not denying it, I am a romanticist.

I tend to say that if I cannot maintain myself as a graphic designer, I will become a pirate. At the moment I am, however, doing design for a living... Nevertheless, I'm always prepared to board.

I live in a piratey hole, I guess. That photo looks awkward, but yes, it's my front door. It looks like a warehouse door, I know. That why those friends who've never been here before have trouble finding the right door. Or not anymore, since I can tell them to look for the Jolly Roger. However, I pity every courier who has to come knocking on my door...
I have to thank my neighbourhood's kids for giving me the idea to make such a flag. Thanks to them, it suddenly felt like an obvious idea – though I wonder why I didn't come up with that earlier, given that I had spent years wondering how to block that window (it had a blank white curtain for three years) and also given that I've liked pirates for long...
And how did they do that? One afternoon, two small boys knocked on my door. I went to open, and they totally froze, not saying anything for a while, until the other one asked; "do you have a ring?" I was very, very dumbfounded, not understanding what on earth they were actually after. I tried to ask though, but they figured I couldn't answer their question in a satisfactory way, so they left without telling me what was going on. After that, they came to spy on me through my open window. Now I call them treasure hunters.

Despite my interest, I hadn't seen Pirates of the Caribbean movies until this week. Now I watched all of them, and now I feel all piratey. Yarr.

The movies were all entertaining and nice. However, such piratey language is occasionally a bit difficult to follow... :/ Audiovisually stunning, too. That's why I'm listening to the soundtrack now, and oh, the boats – what they looked like! And everything else too, but I was particularly fascinated by the Flying Dutchman. Oh so epic...

I feel like drawing piratey images again...

Pirates sure have made my life epic in other ways too. Roughly a year ago, a friend had a housewarming-costume-party, and I decided to dress up as a pirate. With my souvenir sword, my piratey pants from Baby, the stars shine bright brand's collection Alice and the Pirates... and a pirate map of the city, tied to a bottle of rum as a housewarming gift, I sailed there.

That map could have turned out much better, but I made it completely with Photoshop, thus, the lines are not nice, lively and delicate. I also made it quickly. (The "real" places would be these: Ocean of Näsi = Näsijärvi, Gulf of Dead Women = Naistenlahti, Unholy Sea = Pyhäjärvi, Mountains of the Cursed Bishop = Pispalanharju.)

However, I had fun while working on that map, and I thought, probably even told a friend, how awesome it would be to get to make some pirate illustrations as a real commission.

A month passed, and I was contacted by one editor of a newspaper in which I had worked during a few summers. She asked if I could make an illustration for a newspaper article dealing with pirates. The deadline was a bit tough – I got the commission on one Wednesday midday, while I was at work, and the illustration was to be in their hands by Friday morning. However, I couldn't possibly say no. I spent two evenings, after days at work, drawing like a madman, but I had great fun, and I delivered the illustration on time. (And I slept quite a little.)

But like I said, I cannot say no to a commission of my dreams. Unfortunately, for some copyright reasons, I'm only showing the image like that... As the article dealt with modern piracy, swords have been replaced with assault rifles and sailing ships with, eh, tankers? I don't know about these marine things much, and despite my love of pirates, I'm not particularly much in love with seas or ships.

An acquaintance said my life resembles a movie because it was so absurd how I got that commission.

By the way, if the skulls in the illustration and in my curtain seem somehow similar, well, I can say, they are – I used the illustration sketch when I was painting that fabric.

Somehow my interest in steampunk goes well with piracy. Both give me a lot of creative ideas, for designs, drawings, interior, clothes...

And somehow, pirates never fail to fascinate me. :D In 2008, my absolute favourite group in the Eurovision Song Contest was – surprisingly – a band of pirates!

Pirates can also seem credible in bright colors. I've never seen anything else but this video of this children's TV show:

I wonder if I've now said everything I've got to say about pirates – for now, I'm rather sure this won't be over. Oh but no, I almost forgot, I dressed up as one on Halloween too. Or to be precise, on All Saints' Day, when a friend had a costume party. That time I drew a map by hand, but unfortunately, I have no evidence of it anymore as I gave it to the party hostess. But it turned out much better, being hand-made. I am aware that Facebook is available in pirate English as well, but I don't use it, don't know why... Maybe I truly should? So long – and until the next time – yarr! Follow my blog with Bloglovin'