Saturday, 26 November 2011

Dress, dressed... or not

♫ Turisas – Sahti Waari

I've been talking about some clothes I need to show off, and now it's about the time I do just that. Some of them are new, some of them are just special outfits I never showed when I wore them. I'm not into these "today's outfit" posts because it's troublesome to set up a tripod and take a proper photo, with proper meaning not only a photo in which the lightning is appropriate but also a photo in which I look at least semi-humane. And I rarely have the time to take such photos when I'm going somewhere in a hurry.

Now, photos will follow!~ I kinda like to distort the colours of my photos (in the originals the white balance and temperature were actually quite natural!), especially since the clothes are monochromatic quite black to begin with...

This is a rather new dress which I have mentioned in a subordinate clause some time before. I ordered it from H&M and it took long before it actually arrived. It's nice, but designed for a person with just a bit shorter back. My eternal problem with short dresses, really. So far I've worn this once, to a *cough-how-should-I-put-this* game geek party.

The dress isn't new, the fishnet top is. This is what I wore with my sugar skull make-up on Halloween and All Saints' Day. It's a comfortable party outfit, and a better option than a corset if you actually have to eat something.

Oh hello there, I'll be Finland's next top model, I know how to pose and all. [/sarcasm] This is what I wore to Stratovarius' gig. The dress is the same as in the Halloween attire, paired with a different top + the boots with high heels. Another comfortable outfit.

I was supposed to have a dress theme, but well... My Ensiferum gig outfit. I didn't feel comfortable there. :D Yet I suppose it was just... well, bad luck, the clothes aren't that painful. I kinda liked this outfit, though, yet it's certainly reserved for a certain type of club events.

Finally, something I haven't even worn yet (all the pieces separately, yes, but not the outfit). So yeah well, when and where is the next party I can attend? Anyone?

Sunday, 20 November 2011

I raise my head and find my own way out of the dark

♫ Heavenly – Carpe diem

Oh well, I'm trying to move onto more positive things than the sorrow I described in my previous post. I have contradictory feelings on how I should actually spend the time while I'm alone – one voice in my head tells me to concentrate on grieving, while some voice of reason tells me I shouldn't do that. I feel like ignorance meant indifference, yet I know it won't do any good if I stop to mourn for too long.

I'll try to deal with as many events and topics which I've ignored lately in this blog post. A summary of what has happened during the past few weeks, then I can probably keep up with the things worth blogging about without stuffing them all into one single post.

First of all, All Hallows' Eve and All Saints' Day. I had the same idea for both parties I attended – an idea I had had for looong... Sugar skull make-up!

I don't have photos of my clothes, but they were quite simple. I wore the fishnet top which you can see in the photos, and a simple, short, strapless black sheath dress. Since I really liked this attire, I'll probably wear it again to some event, so maybe I'll also post it here eventually. If I just had the chance to take some photos with the daylight, but no, I'm in the office when the sun is up. I have some dresses to show off anyway!

Last night I went to see Stratovarius live. And I was surprised to see how "good" the photos taken with my cell phone can be. The concert was nice and long, a part of their tour to bid farewell to their drummer Jörg Michael. The headline of this post if a line from their song Darkest Hours. It's a good one, yet not my favourite, but I feel it suits my current mood.

Stratovarius – Darkest Hours

I also finished my Poe piece for the photo frames I bought recently. Inspired by The Raven, here's the result:

What else? Material needs I satisfied a while ago already, I guess. Many people know the Polish webstore Restyle, which sells funky gothic stuff cheap. I bought a few things too since the prices were so ridiculously low compared with what they would have been if I had bought them in Finland.

Firstly, two pieces of bone shaped hairpins. See the product in the store here. The item description confused me a lot, as well as the photos. In the first product image the surface of the bones seems smoooooth, doesn't it? As you can see in my photo, it isn't, they're quite roughly painted. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but I actually expected the bones to be made of plastic and only the pin parts being metal (as described) but they're fully metal (makes sense). The "Clips are automatic" part confused me even more, and my idea of "automatic" clips would be something like this, not this. I may be totally wrong, but I'd think that those pins which close by themselves with their spring are automatic while those which you have to snap close are not. I find the clip type impractical and was somewhat disappointed with it.

Then I got a nice brooch with a rib-cage. I could also attach a chain to it to turn it into a necklace, but I kinda like it as a brooch too.

And more rib-cages! These are very, very heavy, to the point of stretching the earlobe downwards with their weight. They are pretty, yes, but I think the weight they put on ears has slightly unaesthetic effects. But I guess I'll live with it.

I also got a Star Gazer lipstick in the shade of dark berry, but haven't worn it much yet. I don't wear lipstick daily, I'm not used to it. A bit newer purchase is a pair of Tamaris boots which escaped my hands once, but with some insane luck, I found my size again (or to be precise, I might have survived with a size smaller, but they didn't have that size). Although their quality is only satisfactory, they're pretty and COMFORTABLE. I've never worn high heels which feel so good even after hours of standing! I didn't have any problems standing through the Strato concert with those.

I guess that could be it for now. I'm getting hungry and could concentrate on something else too. Either way, I guess I have something interesting coming up sooner or later. So long!

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

And I miss you like hell

My dear dog passed away on November 11th, exhausted by hemolytic anaemia.

Due to these few depressing weeks, I have neglected my blog and I will still put off my Halloween posts etc. I have many things to write about, but they'll have to wait. Please be patient.

I will dedicate this post to my best friend, as I think writing this is an important part of my grieving process. I will certainly never forget her, but I also want to make sure I will remember each and every detail of her that gave me so much joy during our twelve-year-long journey together.

May 11th, 1999 – November 11th, 2011

As you can see, she was twelve years and a half to the day when she died. In a way I feel slightly bitter – only twelve and a half years! Dachshunds's life expectancy is from ten to fifteen years! And we all had quietly decided that she would become the oldest dog in the country – and she had all the requirements for such, being healthy, strong, with enough exercise and good nutrition... She should have had many more years to live! If it just hadn't been for the insidious illness which struck out of the blue... It feels so unfair.

However, I know that's not the way to think. Life is not fair, and who gets to determine their own days? No one. The same applies to the days of our loved ones. It's a sad fact that all the time someone loses a loved one too early; many of those being too young to die, totally innocent or otherwise not deserving their fate. But it's just... life. Oona and I got to spend over twelve healthy years together. Some people have lost their dogs young, after being run over by a car or even worse – having fallen victim to a dog hater's malicious violence. Our first dog died at the age of eleven, but her death was mysterious – she went from being normal to fighting for her life in less than eight hours, and we never found out why since we couldn't get a vet in time. However, later a vet suspected she might have died of rat poison. Back then, in my early teenage, I took it to heart and became very bitter. Now, however... I cannot blame anyone for Oona's death. I feel that there would have been so many more moments for us to share with each other, but I also know that during those twelve years we already gathered so many memories that I have a lot to cherish. This may feel unfair, but I have to accept it; death comes for everyone, and rarely with a good timing.

I won't go into the details of her death much, but to cut a long story short; in spite of being "officially" my dog, she lived with my parents. Not taking her to live with me in a city was probably the best favour I could do her. As she was always terribly timid, she would never have learnt to enjoy a life in a city. And especially after she fell ill, I could never have taken care of her well enough – living alone and working full-time... No, she was certainly doing better at my parents' place as I know they take extremely good care of our dogs. And this said... I saw Oona for the last time eleven days before her death. I would have liked to be there next to her when she quietly passed away, but on the other hand... I already said farewell to her when I last saw her alive as I knew it could be the last chance. And well, although I wasn't there, I know her end was as good as it could.

Some time ago I said I'd write about what is so special about Oona – besides the fact that she was my dear, own dog. Some people's reactions to the sad piece of news of her death have been quite touching as it's obvious Oona had managed to melt many hearts during her lifetime. My opinions are mostly subjective, yet there are a few things which make her seem somewhat objectively special.

Lil' miss happy new dog owner (looking stupid)

I already mentioned she was very timid. We noticed this immediately after taking her home. She was always afraid of everything – children in particular, but people in general... Yet she was not angry, I cannot remember her ever showing her fear by growling let alone by biting whenever someone got too close to her. She used to bark under a couch when we got guests.
Somehow, unsocial animals have always fascinated me more than those who are particularly friendly to anyone. When it comes to horses, I always preferred those that were a bit difficult because it was very rewarding to eventually see how they began to trust you. And this applies to dogs too, although I naturally established my bond with Oona very early and then she never questioned my trustworthiness. However, I felt important, being one of the few people she ever showed any love to.

Despite being so timid, Oona got slightly famous. We didn't try to promote her, but "rumours" leaked and eventually she appeared in a local newspaper and on a local radio channel. And strangely enough, I later encountered people who remembered her.
The reason for her fame was her dear and very active hobby which she started at the age of about six months and continued as long as her condition allowed her to. Simply enough; she loved playing the piano, and singing at the same time.

Now you might think that I taught her to do that, but oh, I certainly did not! I would never have thought she'd learn something like that! Not that silly puppy who seemed to have serious trouble understanding the concept of newspaper spread out on the floor. Yet one evening it happened – she was alone in the living room when we suddenly heard the sound of piano keys being pressed – once – and went to see what on earth had happened. We didn't expect to find an embarrassed puppy sitting on the chair in front of the piano. That's how it began, and she never seemed to get enough of playing.

Her motive will remain a mystery, yet it was obvious she knew how to get our attention. I know she's not universally unique with her hobby, but I guess many of the dogs who do something similar have been taught or encouraged to do it, and at least I've never seen any video of a dog doing it with the same enthusiasm as Oona. She had her major and minor tunes, depending on the mood – the editor who wrote the article of her for the newspaper described her style as experimental jazz.

I've been pondering over this for years – well, for twelve years. I think that was innovative of her, whatever her original idea was. And that's very fascinating. Taking up such a hobby is quite exceptional for a dog, and it makes me wonder what equally exceptional I could achieve in my life. It certainly inspires me to try to think out of the box, to see beyond my own limits.

My loss makes me feel desperate. They say, "friendship is one mind in two bodies", and I think that describes our bond very well. She was my best friend – and on the other hand will always be. Whenever no one else understood me, she always did. We shared the same wit, we understood each other so well. While others described her timid nature as being prejudiced, I always thought she was smart for not being too gullible. And somewhere deep inside, I'm just like her; suspicious, timid and uncertain. I guess that's why I always felt she was my soul mate.

I would love to embrace her once more, stroke her soft fur, ask her to give me a kiss (something I had taught and something she agreed to do to me) and look her in the eyes; those gentle and understanding eyes. I would love to share my secrets with her, go for a walk in a forest with her, cuddle up with her... But those times are over. I have my memories. And I already got her back once – when she disappeared in 2007. Being quite far away from home, the situation seemed quite bad and we were sure we would never see her alive again. However, eventually she was found, in a good condition but tired. Back then I was lucky.

Although I am very sad and still keep crying daily, I'm trying to go on. I've been neglecting my own health and the people around me while worrying over Oona. The anxiety is gone now – nothing can harm her anymore. Sorrow won't leave me any time soon, but I'm trying my best to avoid total depression. I know that if Oona could still tell us something, it would be something like:
"Please don't be sad, I'm alright now."
And that's true, although it hurts. The illness didn't probably cause her pain, but it slowly made her weaker and weaker. And still; her strong heart probably was the reason why she managed to hold onto life that long.

I wanted to do something in order to honour her memory, and thus, I went to get my ear pierced yesterday. Does this sound absurd? I shall explain. I got my first two ear piercings on the day Oona was born. It was a coincidence, but I doubt I would have remembered a piercing date without such a happy event. At some point I thought I'd just go get another two piercings to my left ear lobe, but then I figured that since I had my right ear lobe pierced twice in the spring for no reason, similar piercings on the left would seem just as pointless. Thus, I decided to get a real hole to the cartilage because it'd be more remarkable. With a ring with a ball-shaped lock, it actually represents Oona in many ways. The ring is like the letter O, and she used to like playing with ring-shaped rubber toys. She also liked playing football (soccer) and the ring, being of a cold and hard material, resembles stones, which she loved. She didn't play with wooden sticks, she always picked up a stone instead.

"The first two holes on the day you were born, and one painful stab for the wound your death tore into my heart."

Oona meant a world to me. She taught me so many things I ever needed to learn about life. She was a small dog with a huge soul, and a spirit that never dies. I will keep mourning, but I will also try to keep looking back on all the great moments we shared together.

A song that will always remind me of her:

Rednex – Wish you were here
"And I miss you like hell,
and I'm feeling blue."
Sleep well, my dear friend. Someone will always love you.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Cover your hands – monthly theme post

I decided to participate in Sophistiqué Noir's monthly theme post for once, maybe because the theme, gloves, is pure love. I love wearing gloves! Armwarmers too, yet I wear them much less these days than I did a few years ago. But I certainly like to add gloves to party outfits! Nowadays I rarely think gloves or armwarmers would suit my work outfits, but they're nice to wear on special occasions. However, for someone as glove-obsessed as me it's strange how boring I am when it comes to keeping my hands warm! I wear old, shabby mittens (yet I have a cute pair knitted by my mother) or something otherwise inelegant. Maybe I should seriously start looking for a pair of warm and stylish gloves for the upcoming winter? But now, let's take a look at what I found in my cache...

"Maybe that's why you don't see faces like mine every day"
– Emilie Autumn

Short, lacy gloves are most of the time light and easy to wear – even in the heat of the summer. They're elegant and still they can be used in a ragged rock outfit as well. Sadly, they are quite vulnerable to Velcro straps I have in some of my bags...

"Learning to fly, touching sky on my way"
– Stratovarius

These are very long armwarmers that can come up to close to the armpits. Most of the time I add them to those more ragged outfits, but I have worn them as a part of a more classic, simple outfit too. They've been to many gigs, and goth clubs in particular!

"Obsessions need to swell, a genius in his cell"
– Twilightning

Classic, long gloves are, well, classy. Such gloves made of silk or satin are usually quite expensive – mine are cheap, made of some... synthetic fibres? I'm not sure, but I bought them in a costume shop. The material may not be that elegant on a closer look, but nevertheless, the gloves work fine in an elegant clubbing outfit. I think they are my only gloves (that I wear for the looks) which actually cover the whole hand.

"I'm not your china doll, I'm not your geisha girl"
– Cristal Snow

I don't wear these armwarmers much anymore, they're quite old. I had them already in high school and used to love them back then. They can seem pretty, but they are a bit impractical. I would like to have similar ones which would be much longer.

"Or should I go and change my point of view for other ugly scenes"
– Alphaville

These are my newest gloves, and since they haven't yet been introduced here as a "new purchase", I will do it now. Fishnet gloves with a finger loop; nice and light to wear, yet I'll already have to repair one of the loops as it's very close to snapping. Perhaps I should stop writing and move on to sewing?

Gloves in general are probably the reason why I don't own that many bracelets. Of course they could be worn together, but I'm not used to that, and if I had to choose, I'd probably always go for nice gloves! Gloves, gloves, give me more gloves... So long!
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